Bedtime stalling is one of the most common things parents ask me about in practice. The extra glass of water. One more story. "I'm not tired yet." It's easy to read these as resistance but most of the time, they're a request. The day is ending, and your child wants a little more connection before it does.
The good news: you don't have to give in to every stall tactic to meet that need. You can build the connection in earlier, on purpose, so there's less pressure to stretch it out at the end. As an occupational therapist, here's how I think about it and a few activities that work well.
Why bedtime brings this up
By the end of the day, a child's nervous system is often overloaded from school, from screen time, from just being a small person in a big world all day. Bedtime is the first quiet moment they've had, and quiet moments are when big feelings tend to surface. Stalling is often a regulation problem wearing a "I need water" costume.
That means the fix isn't just a firmer boundary. It's giving their body and their sense of connection what they need before lights-out, so there's less left unmet when you say goodnight.
Activities that build connection and support regulation
These are the kinds of activities I recommend to families they double as sensory regulation tools, so they're doing two jobs at once: calming the body and filling the connection tank.
1. Heavy work before pyjamas
Deep pressure and resistance work calms the nervous system. A few minutes of pushing, pulling, or squeezing before the bedtime routine starts can take the edge off. Try a wheelbarrow walk down the hallway, a "squish sandwich" with pillows, or simply having them help carry something a bit heavy, like a full laundry basket.
2. A short, predictable connection ritual
Kids stall less when they know connection is already coming. A 5-minute ritual, the same few steps, every night, tells their body "this is where I get my parent's full attention," so there's less need to invent reasons to delay. This is where a simple, open-ended toy works better than a screen: something like a wooden puzzle, a matching game, or a small building set gives you a shared task to sit down and do together, side by side, without it turning into a big production.
3. Co-regulation through touch
A hand squeeze game, a short back-scratch-the-alphabet, or lying together for two minutes of slow breathing all send the same signal: I'm here, you're safe, we're winding down together. This is often more effective than words at calming a wound-up child.
4. A "worry down" activity
For kids whose stalling is anxiety-driven, giving the worry somewhere to go helps. Drawing one thing about the day, or naming one good thing and one hard thing, gives them a concrete outlet instead of an open-ended search for one more reason to stay up.
5. Independent-but-together play
Not every connection moment needs to be face-to-face. Sitting near your child while they do quiet; open-ended play, building blocks, playdough, a simple sorting toy, lets their nervous system settle while still feeling your presence. This is a good option on nights when you're low on energy but still want to be present.
A few tools that help
In my practice, and at home, I reach for toys that are open-ended and don't do the work for the child, because those are the ones that hold attention long enough to actually calm the body down, rather than over-stimulating it further. If you're looking to build out a bedtime toy basket, look for:
- Wooden building or stacking sets: good for the "heavy work before pyjamas" step, and calming because they're quiet and tactile
- Simple matching or memory games: perfect for the short connection ritual, since they're quick, sit-down, and screen-free
- Playdough or sensory dough: supports the co-regulation and worry-down steps, especially for kids who need something in their hands while they talk
You can browse toys that fit this kind of calm, open-ended play at www.tinytreetoys.co.za look for pieces that are simple enough to play with in low light and don't require batteries or screens, so they can become part of the wind-down routine itself rather than one more stimulating thing before bed.
The bottom line
Bedtime stalling usually isn't a discipline problem. It's a nervous system that's still looking for a little more calm and a little more connection before the day ends. Building both in earlier through heavy work, short rituals, and simple, open-ended toys, tends to do more than any bedtime rule ever will.